I've been cycling pretty rapidly the past month, but I'm chalking it up as "situational" since I've had a alot of stressful events. However, the sucidal ideation has hit me pretty hard, a car blew through a red light and almost t-boned me, I relished the thought of what would have happened had he hit me. Dead was my hope. Also, every night before I would go to sleep, I hoped I might pass quietly away during the night.

On Tuesday I mustered up the guts to tell my p-doc I wasn't doin so well. He increased the drugs I wasn't maxed out on dosage wise. And took away one out of six. I was afraid to tell him about the suicidal ideation , as I never want to go back to a p-hospital. I don't care how nice it is.

I also didn't want to try anything new , this current cocktail as a whole has made everything more managable than anything I've tried. As a whole quality of life is better overall. So theres that. I just remind myself of it.

But I still think no matter what drugs I take, the blues and the manic modes are still going to hit me from time to time. No psychosis in 4 years..knock on wood.

oooh oops the whole point of this comment was suppose to be about migraines which I also get. I take inderal which has some anti-anxiety benefits as well as keeping migraines at bay. And when I do get migraines I have fiornal and imitrex to help. I tried topomax for more than just psych issues but it makes me pretty damn loopy as in drooling..

Happy Friday and feel better soon.

i think the drugs are subject to a risk:benefit analysis, like everything else in life. the risks can be high, but living with uncontrolled BP is often terrible, so the risks can be worth it.

the biggest problem i have with BP treatments is the low profile of lithium. given its low costs, proven results and excellent safety profile compared to a lot of other drugs, lithium should always be tried first. maybe first and second. the problem is, lithium's profit margin is not worthy of a big media campaign. if an expensive new drug had the same benefits of lithium, it would be marketed as the wonder drug of the century.

My 25 year old daughter who was dx'd with bipolar disorder at 15 and who has tried numerous AP's, mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, etc and combos says the same thing about the miracle of Lamictal. She has been stable for over 2 years since starting Lamictal and her quality of life has improved immensely. She is working at a non-profit & is engaged in all aspects of life. She also takes care of herself--- sees her therapist regularly, gets plenty of sleep and exercise and takes a slew of vitamins, fish oil, and eats healthy. But Lamictal is at the foundation of her stability. Btw, she recently sent me this email: "ps... i've really been enjoying the trouble with spikol blog! thanks for giving me the heads up on that---she's a pretty cool chick!" I couldn't agree more. Thanks always, Liz, for your honesty and personal perspectives & for the news/stories that you share on your blog. My daughter & I sincerely hope that you're feeling much better.

And now it's Lamictal. As someone whose life has been saved by Prozac, I also worry about the vilification of psych drugs. Yes, SSRI's as well may also slightly increase the risk of suicidality in the beginning stages of treatment. So what. We know the statistical levels of suicide have dropped greatly with the advent of these drugs. Should we just go back to the "snake-pit" days? The most recent slam was that SSRI's could not possibly work because it has never been proven that depression is caused by depleted serotonin levels in the brain. That Prozac works only slightly better than a placebo. I and countless numbers of my former patients know that the medication works. Placebo-schmeebo.

Low and behold,this week a new scientific study that positively refutes this hypothesis."Blocking production of a single enzyme alleviates symptoms of depression and anxiety in mice that have low serotonin levels, Duke University Medical Center researchers have found."

The Lamictal tide will turn many times. I will continue to take my dangerous meds, thank you very much.

Informing doctors and patients what CAN go wrong (even in a small minority of cases) is not vilifying a drug. It is quite possibly saving a life. Nor is publishing the disappointing results of a drug study an insult either to science or to patients who may well have been helped. The person who is not helped, or who suffers frightening and demoralizing psychiatric side effects from these meds can at least do something about it... if she is told of that possibility. Otherwise, she will blame herself, see her "worsening disease" as hopeless... maybe even take her own life. For many years I was told I was one of only a tiny minority who was failing to be transformed by the wonder drugs. For many years I was told nothing about the withdrawal effects. For many years I blamed myself, often bitterly, for my lack of interest in sex. A few simple facts could have given me back my self-respect, my hope, and much else.

Bottom line: we are adults, not children. We have the right to know the risks and benefits of any medical treatment we undertake, whether drugs or heart surgery. No, these drugs should not be banned. Yes, many have been helped. But many others have suffered needlessly, for decades, because the reputations of the drugs were protected more zealously than were our lives.

Lamictal has also been a miracle to me. I have many bp/borderline friends who would say the same thing.

My psychiatrist and I just discussed how Lamictal, which I started just under a year ago, has been an absolute godsend for me in stabilizing my moods.

(I still take lithium, for the record.)

I was always hesitant to start Lamictal because of the potential health threat from skin rashes (I suffer from skin rashes), but have had no problems so far.

About this new warning -- it's been known for awhile, from the more recent studies into SSRI's, that the ANIMATING qualities of antidepressants can kick in before their MOOD-REGULATING qualities, creating a dangerous "twilight zone" where doctors need to watch closely. Tragically, teen-agers, impulsive already, are particularly vulnerable. So I can certainly believe this to be true of Lamictal as well.

That doesn't change the fact that often these are highly beneficial medications -- and certainly less risky than Zyprexa, as Dawdy ruefully notes.

As someone who experienced extreme suicidality from taking an SSRI pushed on me by a nurse in a 5 minute appointment for a non-psychological complaint, I believe the full spectrum of information should be made available to patients before they ingest expensive psychotropic medication. In my opinion, the patient has an absolute right to know. The thought that knowing the facts is somehow a detriment is deeply disturbing to me, as mentally ill patients are too often dismissed and shut out as participants in their own treatment. I do not believe that psych meds should be banned, but rather be used appropriately and responsibly. We are EMPOWERED by knowledge.

I reject the notion that my negative and wholly detrimental experience on psych meds should mean any less than your glowing experience. To suggest that these drugs are being "villified" is ridiculous. As Americans we are subjected to nearly unrestricted marketing of drugs for an ever-increasing pool of "diseases". My little throwaway life (collateral damage in the war against depression, I suppose) means nothing to the legions of daily pill poppers, pharmaceutical companies and psychiatrists. Worry not. Your story will always have a place in the for-profit drug money driven market. Mine will always be dismissed as mere "propaganda", "scientologist anti-psychiatry drivel" or "villification of lifesaving drugs". You matter, I don't, let people like me have one shred of (bravely published) scientific evidence that validate our suffering.