More on guns
It's a provocative topic, that's for sure. From Susan S., who shares herself quite bravely:
This past fall when I was suicidal I tried to get a gun in NJ. I was honest on the application and said I had been hospitalized.I was told I couldn't even apply and the man ripped up my application. He told me honestly, the way I had answered other questions the application wouldn't have gone through,
I then went to both Pennsylvania and Conneticut , as well as Manhattan, and all forms were denied.
At the time I was real pissed, I look at it now that maybe someone was looking after me. Because when these moods hit me and I get suicidal ideation, it would be to easy to take the gun out and eat it. Instead, I got to fight the feelings and not give in. It's hard. Right now I don't even know if it is worth it, but I got to keep fighting in the hope it will get better again.
Comments
Oh, (((Susan)))
(We know each other IRL as acquaintances, which makes this news even more heartbreaking ...)
Posted by: Larry Parker | January 14, 2008 02:46 PM
Susan,
The last time I attempted suicide I took a massive overdose, drove out into a remote area and jump into a lake that's nearly uninhabited. I intended to swim around until I drowned, but once I was in the water I changed my mind and swam to a small island to die. I nearly succeeded.
What saved me? My husband found my shoes on the beach. They were pointing right at the island. Now, I could have hidden them under a nearby dock. I didn't even know I was going to swim to that island when I took my shoes of and so neatly arranged them on shore.
I've learned to respect these little messages from my unconscious. On some level, I must have wanted to live. Few decisions in life are totally unambiguous. I've come to realize I really do NOT want to hurt the ones I've left behind and have determined to use my energies to find reasons to live. I'm still working on it.
Susan, you were really determined, really serious. But part of you was truthful and it saved you. Best not to ignore that part, I think and hope.
I wish you all the best. I hope you understand that I know how you feel right now, how mixed your feelings probably are. I can't say I've gotten to the point where I'm glad I didn't die. But I am glad I didn't leave my loved ones with such an icky mess. That's a start, I guess.
Sincerely,
Sherry
PS: Thanks to Liz for allowing honest grappling with serious issues.
Posted by: Sherry | January 16, 2008 06:43 PM