I forgot my meds
I go to the Jersey shore pretty much every weekend in the summer, for various activities usually involving boating, fishing, wading, beachcombing, boardwalking, candy-eating, and old motels. It's very fun, and I'll be sorry to see it all go. We love to load our little truck up with things -- including a cooler filled with food and drink -- and set off on adventure, and we've been to just about every town you might imagine, and even many you've never heard of before. My favorite part is staying in the odd little roadside motels -- not franchises, but motels named M&M, or Seaside, or Tennytown, or Royal Flush, or some other name that an immigrant owner thought might attract natives wandering by. Usually there are some people living on the premises, and that's always a little sad, imagining children growing up in a motel because their parents don't have enough stability to own a home, or even rent an apartment.
Anyway, this weekend's idyll was disrupted by an unprecedented event: I forgot to bring my meds. All I had was one Ativan. That meant I'd have to go for one night without my Seroquel, Lamictal and Effexor. I've gone without the Seroquel and Lamictal before, and I find it rather unfun. But I've never gone one night without Effexor, and it scares me. I've heard so many horror stories about brain zaps and what have you, and I was afraid that without the Lam. or Eff., I could have a seizure. I was so terrified, that I drove all the way home and all the way back in the dark. I got back to the little motel at 11:30 p.m., exhausted but appropriately medicated.
The whole thing made me so upset. I hate depending on meds this way. On the other hand, thank god I have them in my life. To enjoy a weekend -- that seemed impossible for so many years.
Comments
hey liz
I can totally relate... every now and then, i make the mistake of opening my computer, when i have a project in mind, before i take my meds. the day wears on... i get more and more agitated. i spaz at everyone, but i don't clue in. figure i'm just moody that day. but eventually the zap-feelings start and i am shaking all over and dizzy and i'm like, oh yah i know what this is, i forgot my meds. and i have the same thought, that i hate that i depend on them that much. but then again, i really like to program, and without the meds, the brain would not be clear enough for the programming. so, hate them though i do, for now they help me be able to do stuff i want to do.
cheers
adam
Posted by: Adam Black | August 20, 2007 12:15 PM
It's interesting that folks including me who take psychiatric medications refer to them as "meds." I've yet to hear anyone who only takes non-psychiatric drugs use anything but the formal form, i.e. medications. In the context of the big picture it should make us appreciate how much we internalize that what is unique to the mental health system and is not adaptable or relevant to the world outside it.
Posted by: Joe | August 20, 2007 02:11 PM
Liz..
You did the right thing by driving back for your Effexor.
Those zaps really do come on very strong if you forget to take the meds. I had to once go for 3 days with Effexor while I was on it, and they were the most physically unpleasant days of my entire 31 years of existence.
And don't be too hard on yourself for forgetting to pack them in the first place. After all, one of the areas most impacted by depression/mental illness is one's memory.
Posted by: Masale.Wallah | August 20, 2007 02:30 PM
Interesting observation, Joe. Given the intense love-hate relation so many of us have with our 'meds', it's sort of fitting that we take to referring to them by something akin to a 'pet name'.
Posted by: Masale.Wallah | August 20, 2007 06:21 PM
I didn't know you did the Jersey thing every weekend! Awesome!
I've missed my Lithium a day or two, and went through acute withdrawal. I have always been able to go to Stop and Shop and have them contact my p-doc for a few extra pills.
Posted by: susan | August 21, 2007 06:29 PM
We keep a 24 hour supply of my daughter's meds in each of our cars in one of those pill holders (a small metal tube with a rubber seal to keep out moisture). It is one of my "mom worries" that we will be out somewhere and not be able to get back to our house for a day or two. Of course we have never used the car stash, but I feel better having them in there all the same. You should try it, it could save you a few hours of driving in that shore traffic.
Posted by: sandy h | August 22, 2007 02:30 PM
Wow! You really are faithful with taking your meds! Having been a chronic non-complier with medications in the past, I went off meds all the time, but I never seemed to be phased by it. I still don't exactly take my medications at any specific time, mostly because I never sleep at the same time. The only thing I've noticed is that if I don't take my Geodon I can't really sleep unless I've been awake already for like 36 hours and am just exhausted. Well, I am glad you got your medication at any rate. I admire your dedication to taking your meds. :) k.
Posted by: Kristin Bell | August 23, 2007 12:56 PM