On the subject of going on and off the meds
From Adam B.:
I've stopped my meds before either because I missed the "highs" of my bipolarness, or because I begin to view them as a form of evil control that is turning me into something other than my natural self. I try to tell myself, I'll feel fine once the withdrawal lets off. But I always go back on them because I find the cost of those things I think I want ("highs", mind-freedom) are still to dear for me.I can definitely relate to thinking it will be OK and then finding (again) that it won't, and the not-so-faint grief that its true I still need to take my meds.
Comments
Adam -
I would be on a swing upward right now if I weren't on my meds. I also just paid a $2200 Visa bill from last month. Luckily the meds have kept my card in my wallet more often than not.
Not so luckily the meds have their evil control side as well. Let's call them "marital disorders" and leave them at that. Regardless of the physiological consequences I make a decision twice a day to take the Depakote.
I really, truly want to go on a drug holiday, Adam. We'd probably be a hoot together if we had our manias synchronized and we were off our drugs. For the good of my life, I'm going to keep taking those three fucking pills every morning and every night - and the other pills which supposedly counteract the side effects - for another few years.
Hang in there, buddy.
Posted by: John M. | June 22, 2007 01:43 AM