It was awful/Cute Fix
Last night, after giving a speech to a NAMI group in Glenside, I kind of fell apart. It's hard to talk about that stuff sometimes. Other times, it's a breeze, and I walk away feeling chipper and helpful. But last night I just kept thinking about everything that happened to me in the years when I was acutely ill and my illness wasn't manageable, and the words "It was awful" were reverberating in my brain. I started having all kinds of unpleasant memories, and I felt exhausted both from the memories and from the experience of getting lost a bazillion times when I was driving there and back. I felt like I had spent the whole night trying to be like everyone else--acting as though life was effortless. But it's not effortless, and I think that's why I kind of broke down. I spent seven years of my life in the most horrible circumstances, and I know I have PTSD from that, not to mention from the time I was raped, which really is when all my problems began.
Anyway, I was feeling so upset, I made a video talking about it. I'm thinking of taking it down now, but on the other hand, I feel like it was honest, so maybe I'll leave it up. I don't know.
Meanwhile, enjoy this cute photo of a funny squirrel. It makes everything better, doesn't it?
Comments
I don’t quite know how to say what I’m feeling, but hopefully my point will come across. I started reading TTWS because of the overwhelming Philadelphia influence. I love that town. Unfortunately, it’s been hard to find the time to visit as much as I’d like; even living only two hours away. This blog gives me a Philadelphia shot like nothing else short of being there. But that’s changed with time.
I don’t knowingly suffer from any mental health issues, although I have seen myself developing more accute issues with anxiety over the past several years. I often question myself as to what am I coming away from TTWS with other than an greater understanding of the issues mental health patients face? What exactly is my motivation for reading this blog?
This video has finally answered that question for me. I think this is the first time that I’ve heard you use the word crazy. Truth be told, I think you’re a rock and I think a lot of your readers would agree with me. But every now and then you expose yourself and that’s where your real courage lies. That can be contagious. The last seven months of my life have not been the best of times, but you’ve taught me that in order to become a Liz Spikol (for fear of elevating you too highly), you have to suffer some slings and arrows.
The dark corners of human life, whether they be mental illness or something else, are always going to be there and sometimes we have to visit those places in order to appreciate the light in our lives and further develop who we are as individuals.
Posted by: Josh | May 17, 2007 11:22 AM
I went to YouTube and watched that video. It did seem very honest - also very heartfelt and touching. I'm glad things are a little better for you now. And thank you for elevating my comment.
Posted by: Kent | May 17, 2007 05:45 PM