The devil in Monterey
Here is a real question from a real social worker for a real doctor that was published in the Monterey County Herald. It all sounds completely normal (though depressing) until the last few paragraphs. Then you're like, What?
Dear Dr. Gott: I am a social worker and have worked as a case manager and counselor for more than 20 years. I was working in the system and watched the process of de-institutionalization. I do understand about mental illness and have compassion.My son, age 22, was married for 14 months. I am sure the girl he married, age 19, is bipolar and has a borderline personality disorder. Some of her bizarre behaviors included beating up furniture with a hammer when she could not have her own way, physically beating up my son so badly that he could not work, spending large sums of money in a few hours time, sleeping more than 18 hours at a time for many days in a row and pitting people against each other by telling lies.
She was totally unmotivated and never cooked or cleaned. Her family reached a breaking point, and they could not handle the situation. This girl has been in foster homes and in juvenile detention. She has never held a job for more than two days. She did achieve getting her driver's license during the marriage.
My son had never seen such behaviors, and I am sure he was shocked. I am concerned he will continue to be attracted to people with mental-health problems. He is not open to help at this time, but I believe his pattern of behavior in relationships will not change without help.
Is there anything you can suggest I can do to influence him to seek help? I have been married for 40 years, and I believe I have provided a stable environment for him and my two daughters. One daughter has a developmental disorder; however, she is very independent and motivated. I am sure this has also influenced his pattern in relationships.
Recently, I was reflecting with a colleague. She said that my former daughter-in-law was possessed by the devil. This is a very educated mental-health worker who has a lot of experience treating mental illness. I was shocked by her statement.
I have heard this many times before in other situations. Is there such a thing as being possessed by the devil?
For the good doctor's answer, jump it.
[Image of devil and imp by Cinnablythe via Flickr]
Dear Reader: I believe your son could use some therapy to help him understand the problems he faced in his marriage. I am sure that he has taken a great deal of knowledge away from his marriage and will try, in the future, to steer clear of similar women and situations.I don't believe you need to worry about him continuing "to be attracted to people with mental-health problems," unless this is a pattern. I cannot comment further because you do not say whether he has had other relationships similar to his failed marriage.
However, counseling may help him to see that what happened within the marriage was not his fault and that he could not have done anything to stop his ex-wife's behavior. He needs to understand that to be able to move on and to ensure he doesn't fall into a similar relationship.
The young lady needs to be evaluated before she does harm to herself or others. Her family should be involved. There are many resources they can use. I suggest her parents call the local hospital and ask for doctors or facilities they can contact for more information.
Then back off. And consider some short-term therapy for yourself. No, I'm not kidding. You are stressed and rightly frustrated by a problem over which -- thus far -- you have had little control. You could be helped by discovering ways to handle this unfortunate situation.
Also, I am confident that your therapist would have methods to help you deal more effectively with your son. He or she might even agree to meet with him to explore options.
With respect to devil possession, this is an issue of faith. Science (including medicine) and the legal profession do not honor such a "diagnosis." I suspect that your colleague was taking a shortcut by referring to the devil as a cause of mental illness.
To give you related information, I am sending you a copy of my Health Report "Mental and Emotional Illness."
Other readers who would like a copy should send a long, self-addressed, stamped envelope and $2 to Newsletter, P.O. Box 167, Wickliffe, OH 44092-0167. Be sure to mention the title.
Comments
Here's another ask the "experts" bashing women bi-polars in the letter by the advice seeker
I've discovered terrible things about my new wife. Should I leave her?
Posted by: ttq | February 19, 2007 10:24 PM