I don't want to date myself here, but when the Randy Newman song "Short People" became a hit in, er, well, a few years ago, I was teased mercilessly by my schoolmates, as I was always the smallest person in my class. The refrain, in case you don't remember the song (which is otherwise forgettable), is "Short people got no reason/ Short people got no reason to live." It made my life a living hell.

Last night I dreamt I ran into three guys I used to know in grade school, two of whom used to tease me. They were all short, as men go, maybe between 5'5" and 5'8". They were unsmiling. As I hadn't seen them since they were kids, I was surprised to see how little they'd grown. "You're all short!" I blurted, and then had to backtrack when I saw their horrified faces. "I mean, I like short guys. I mean, short guys always like me. I always get looks from short men on the street. They think I'm accessible. So I have a connection to short men, and it's okay that you're short." But really I was thinking: "Now you know how it feels."

At last, vengeance is mine. Well, in my dreams anyway.