I don't know why I had a contest. I'm the absolute worst person to be a judge of anything because I think everyone's great and I want everyone to win. When I watch the Academy Awards, my stomach contracts in pain when the losers are shown valiantly trying to look happy for the winner. A surfeit of empathy has hampered my ability to function for many years. So vis-a-vis the contest, it might take me a couple days to get some balls in this regard.

Two things my boyfriend said during a fight last year that have really stuck with me:

"No one likes a milquetoast."
"Get a spine!"

I have since tried to be more assertive, but I'm often too eager to be liked. Someone who left a comment on this blog called me a "dumbass" and my first instinct was to apologize to him.

Some people are Superman. Some people are Clark Kent. In my dreams, I'm Superman. When it comes to judging contests, I'm Clark Kent—the ultimate milquetoast patsy.

I promise to get back to everyone soon.