I forced myself to watch the State of the Union address last night. Masochistic, I know. Here are some things I noticed that were as unimportant as the words spoken by the president:

1. Cheney and Hastert, sitting behind the president, each wore a red tie. The prez wore blue. They all wore white shirts. Together, they made a flag.
2. The Democrats are so obviously Democrats. They wear ethnic scarves instead of pearl necklaces.
3. I know Democrats have to clap sometimes just to prove they're not savages (I mean, who's going to disagree with supporting the troops?), but I especially love it when they don't clap. Except Joe Lieberman. His party colleagues could be as silent as a drawer full of cotton, and he's going to clap anyway. Why doesn't he switch parties already? I'll trade you one Lieberman for one McCain, and then we can call it even.
3. Speaking of Lieberman, immediately after Bush mentioned Hamas and Israel, the camera swung to him (clapping, natch). The instructions to the cameraman read: AFTER ISRAEL MENTION, CUT TO THE JEW!
4. The camerman was woozy and confused by the mention of Sandra Day O'Connor. He jostled and panned, to no avail. You think she's going to leave her Lay-Z-Boy to come to the State of the Union address? She's retired! She's probably thrilled to be at home, feet up, thinking, "Ah, no more scratchy robes..."
5. When the president shook John Kerry's hand, he looked like someone had just spit in his mouth.

I have more pearls of this kind, but you're probably wondering: What did the president say that has any impact on my life? He said: Don't make international phone calls without my supervision, let's go to war in Iran, we're shocked Hamas won but now we have to pretend we like democracy anyway, you'll pay more, not less, for your health care in the years to come, and my dad likes me and Clinton best.

What I care about? There was a dog there. Gotta love that.

[Photo of entirely different dog from fordogtrainer.com]